Life

I’ve not written here for a long time, for the most part I’ve been too busy, for the rest of it, I’ve been too lackadaisical but tonight feels like a decent enough time to have a bit of a rant.

Things haven’t been going so great as of late and sometimes just writing things down for the anonymous denizens of the web to see is therapeutic.
I’m having my faith inexorably questioned by an ever present pressure, there’s just one thing after another coming my way at the moment and I feel so trapped by it all.

There’s always a solution and always a way out, I mean, I always have an escape plan, I wouldn’t be the man I am otherwise.
But anyway, at the moment I’m on the brink of losing another of my grand-parents, hence the late night, odd music and ramblings.
However, that alone isn’t the only reason for my restless nature, I’m stuck in a weird limbo at the moment with so many decisions on hold and so many choices unmade and I’m getting older and that’s a fact I have to accept, I’m hurtling towards 30 and I’m no more settled than I ever have been.

I need to get my life grounded and sorted, I need more stability because it’s at times like this, when everything is piling up on you that you need that stability to remain stoic.

I’ve hurt a few people recently through totally unintentional means and I’ve had a good clear out of my twitter account, I’ve shifted things about and tried to organise my life into nice little segments.
I just worry that I’ll accidentally neglect something or someone and hurt them without realising it again! I think people that know me personally and well enough know I’m not the kind of person who intentionally hurts people but I always seem to manage to do it by accident. I think it’s my over-analysing, neurotic paranoia that does it. But hey, it’s better to improvise, adapt and overcome right?

I spent the last two and a half years basically living as a hermit and I’ve spent the last four months or so making a huge push to be social again and while I feel it’s going better, trying to find a sensible balance is now the issue.

Other than dying relatives, friends having a hard time, me accidentally offending people and just the usual life stuffs things are generally good though.
I’m healthy and I’ve got a great group of friends. Oh and my job, I’m one of these lucky people who wakes up in the morning and doesn’t loathe the thought of going to work!