Uncle Scar's Ramblings A mad man's mad ramblings, traditionally about madness….

Om nom nom?

Quite possibly the single most awesome dairy product on earth? I don't know, but the name is win!

Cyanide and Happiness – Barbershop Quartet Hits on Girl From Taxi

Cyanide and Happiness – Beer Run

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Moving Home

I have decided that packing was invented by Satan.
It’s quite possibly the single most time consuming task I’ve ever had to perform and the stress involved in trying to co-ordinate a house move is insane.
Regardless, I’m sure I’m doing the right thing, but it just feels like so much damn work.

To complicate matters further, I’m supposed to be going to a 40th Birthday party this evening and I’ve only got 18 days till I fly out to the USA for Xmas/New Year/Birthday celebrations with the family.

I’m really having to ensure I maximise my available time, hence the lack of updates in a while, things have been far too hectic to sit down and take the 15 minutes or so to throw together a blog update.
So, in retrospect, stopping to do this while inhaling a cup of coffee mid packing probably wasn’t the best idea I’ve ever had, but hey, I’m not exactly bright at the best of times.

There’s not a huge amount to report about the goings on in my life, my MCITP SA training is going well, got one exam down and far too many to go.
Had the Accord in the local Honda dealership for a warranty repair after the alarm decided to stop working properly.
Was simply a dodgy passenger-side door switch, so that’s fixed and the cars back to being properly secured.
Mind you, the garage do appear to have taken it for an 80 mile drive…
I’ve fired off a letter of complaint to them and Honda UK in the hope of maybe getting a freebie out of it and at least a full tank of petrol!

Nervous

Y’know, the worst thing I think I suffer from is nerves.
I would never have imagined myself as being of a nervous disposition, I always liked to think I’d be quite confident and serious, but my word, am I nervous bag of jelly at times.

I don’t really let it get in the way of my day to day living but it really does cause me issues from time to time, I’ve sort of touched on it in the past when describing how I can become quite shy when I’m taken out of my comfort zone and it all spins from a combination of nerves and shyness.
I know that confidence, shyness, nerves and self-image are all mutually exclusive and I work my hardest to deal with these things. I suppose it’s probably a self-perpetuating issue.
I’m shy and nervous, so I don’t talk much, making me more shy and nervous, but as folks who know me will say, get me going and I’m a loud, crass and brash individual.

I think I need to learn to assert myself more, be more positive and learn to get out there and make a statement about myself. I suppose the issues relating to work and such haven’t really helped, but my life is in a much better place now than it has been in the past, probably ever.

I really wouldn’t change it for anything, no matter what I was offered, I mean, I could be in a better situation, in terms of salary and working hours, but that’s only a temporary things, the stable long term aspects of my life are stable and awesome.

I’ve enjoyed my little trip back to Scotland immensely so far, things have gone well, I’ve seen loads of folks I hadn’t had time to catch up with during my past visits.

At least I’m not stuck out in Australia though, I’m only an hours flight away!

Would I come back to Scotland?
No, definitely not, if I get offered this job, I’ll ask for either a short secondment up here, with a pre-set date for a move back to London, if not, I’ll have to turn it down, I don’t fancy moving back up to this grey skied hellhole if I have to,, not just the sky’s grey mind you, the whole bloody country is a grey shithole.

Everything’s so run-down and bedraggled, I shouldn’t rag on it too much, I love being Scottish, but my country embarrasses me, I can’t imagine what tourists must think when they come here and see the giant concrete sprawl of utter shite.
Don’t get me wrong, London’s an even bigger sprawl of concrete, but my god, does it look a lot better presented than this!

Anyway,

Hakuna Matata folks!

Plans!

So here I am, sitting on the plane flying back home to visit the parents.
So far the plans are fairly diverse, but I expect things to change rapidly, so I won’t bore you all with the details.

Ooooh! Turbulence! I miss flying, definitely don’t get to do it as much as I would like to, or did in the past.

Really reminds me of what life has been like and what I need to aspire to do again.
I know I’m more than capable of doing some truly awesome stuff, I have a track record in awesome, the whole job stress situation and overall tiredness is driving me slightly insane at the moment.
Though, I’m working hard on my MCITP and finding it really hard to take anything in. I’m reading as much as I can, as often as I can. I know if I stick with it and persevere then it will pay dividends in the long run.
Plus it’s a pretty cool and geek-chic title.

In other news, the new Sonata Arctica album is so immensely awesome it may be verging on awesomesauce.
I’ve not enjoyed a new album this much in a very long time, Juliet, Zeroes and the bonus track In the Dark are all well worth a listen.
I’d definitely recommend Days of Grays if you’re into power-metal, it’s well worth a shot.

That’s pretty much it for the moment, I’ll update as and when I can over the weekend.

Hakuna Matata!

What the hell is wrong?

I find myself asking this question every day, it’s been growing and growing and I find myself getting more and more bedraggled by it with every passing moment.

I don’t know where I’ve gone wrong, all I know is, I’m letting myself and the important people in my life down because of the stunning failure I feel I’ve become.
I’m stuck in limbo at the moment with a lack of serious IT-related work, I’m desperate to get back into the field, but I need to work on getting some serious industry recognised qualifications to back up not only my burning passion and love for the IT industry, but my wealth of experience and knowledge.

The problem is however that I don’t have the time or energy to devote to studying, I’m currently working for the lowest per/hour rate I ever have and while I’m sure it’ll be a great humbling and learning experience, I’m working 10-11 hour days just to make ends meet.

I’ve never felt so awful, though as with everything I’ve ever done I give this job my all, I devote all my energy to it when I’m there and I don’t bemoan it, I actually quite enjoy it, but it leaves me so physically and mentally drained at the end of the day that I am incapable of retaining anything I read.

I think, more than anything, I’m scared, scared of failure, I’ve already done a pretty spectacular job of it this year, but I’ll soldier on as always, life’s not easy and I’ll always remember that.

Hakuna Matata? – Too right, I mean, I’m getting what I deserve, but for what, I don’t quite know.

I’m off to the Windows 7 Launch at Wembley next month, I’m hoping to get on the ground and start building up some contacts while I’m there, I really need to start building up industry based affiliates in the area and start getting my CV out there.
The longer I put off rewriting that and actually coming up with one that I’m happy with, the harder this is going to get.

But this comes back to the old chestnut about lacking the energy and motivation to do something about it, I can sit here and try to motivate and inspire myself till I’m blue in the face, but even writing this is a form of procrastination and time-wasting.

I’m fed up snapping at people because I’m too busy beating myself up in my own head, I have so many regrets and I’ve got so much crap I cart about with myself these days.
I moved to London to wash my hands of a lot of it and I never really did a great job of it, I need to take a long hard introspective look at myself and deal with these issues.

Sarah got a glimpse of my serious self-confidence issues last week and it really annoys me that I’m still struggling to deal with my shyness when I’m taken out of my comfort zone, I’m trying to improve both my posture and my gait, as well as my tone and inflection of my voice.

I did listen to Paul McKenna the other day on the radio and he talked about dealing with shyness and public oration, it’s given my some food for thought, but I still really feel on the back-foot a lot of the time in social environments and I find that damn laugh I do when I’m feeling socially uncomfortable is getting more and more prevalent and often at totally inappropriate times.

Anyway! I got my business cards in the post today, they look very good, best set I think I’ve ever had done and they’ve sort of reminded me of why I’m trying to get things back on track, I want to be that great successful person I was.

Anyway, enough berating myself on here, since it’s now on my business-cards… Need to look professional (Whoops!).

Hakuna Matata folks…

Ayreon - The Final Experiment - Bonus Disc (Acoustic) - Dreamtime